I was Tested for Covid-19

Around a month ago I was sitting at a bar, listening to a 90’s tribute band, eating a bison burger (With Raspberry jam) and I began typing a blog on my phone. It was a real hateful thing. I was throwing shade at literally everything. One point was directed towards at MGK for his music video for “why are you here.” I had to quote that because he literally leaves the song lower cased on Spotify. The song is a bit ridiculous, the music video though…..well I had a lot of bad things to say.

I was throwing shade at MGK, at politics, at Corona, even some at my self. I applauded Eminem in his hard work at destroying mumble rappers. It was quite a blog, but then the world turned upside down.

Everything shut down and everyone stayed home….except I have to work every day, since a retirement/nursing home is healthcare. They throw more money at us, and the job has been reduced to easy work. It seems dreamy, (except for the obvious) until about 2 weeks ago.

On a saturday night I started feeling a scratch in my throat, by morning it was on fire and my chest was giving out a dry cough. By Monday as I hobbled into work looking like hell, I took my temp to a terrible outcome. New procedures at work gave me 7 days off, combined with my actual days off ended up being 10 days. I instantly went to a drive up testing center to make sure I did not have Corona.

It was an odd experience, having the National Guard directing me to drive through a machine shed. Guys 10 years younger than me talking in their big boy voices (Hilarious) the whole time. The nicest person was the guard/doctor in a hazmat suit. He shoved a plastic tube up my nose and down my throat. The most uncomfortable fucking thing in the world! I wish none of you have to experience it!

They told me it would be 2-3 days for the results which would be a nice call to me on the phone. Then I drove home and went right back to bed…..and I remained that for the remainder of my time off. Streaming movies, and shows, all the while eating soup and a Popsicle or 3. I did a back to back Harry Potter marathon, beat Resident Evil 3 remake in one play the day it was released. I tried watching NBA players play 2K and was becoming increasingly bored. My symptoms lessened and I would read, and eventually took my laptop to my room to work on writing projects and several stories for contests and magazines.

Also, I cannot enter a vampire short story contest because I am a cis straight white male…..They want their vampires to fiddle with trans genders or be homosexual, but I guess cis straight white men are incapable of writing stuff like that. Anne Rice did it, but she is a female. They want original vampire stories, with identity crisis played out in the story. You know what is hilarious? Vampires have always had an identity crisis. Creatures of the night, who look like people, act like monsters and share the common interests of bats and demons. Bi sexual tendencies are nothing new in their stories. You know if you add a soul to a vampire then you have a real crisis with identity. (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) I think whoever started this contest didn’t do their research on the most over used topic in horror. However, my straight white ass did come up with a very original vampire story, and if they want I could make him black and gay if they like, but no, they won’t take it. Hell, I’d probably win, but once they find out that I believe I am a man, they would disqualify me.

Look I am not throwing shade at Trans, genders, or Homosexuals. I’m cool with all of that, I just think it is a really ridiculous that they believe I am incapable of writing something about that. HAVE YOU MET ME!? Oh well, it is an well played out topic that needs to stay dead for a while longer. Vampires are suppose to be immortal, they can fucking wait.

Lastly I an not going to sit here and bitch about my gender and race, and feel sorry for myself for being discriminated against. Being White and straight shouldn’t be something to be proud about. We can’t determine these things. Lucky is a better word that pride. Any white person that bitches, “We should have a white history month!,” Man, just kill yourself. It is the most idiotic thing you could possibly say. I can’t even see you as a human being, you know, how I see everyone who doesn’t say dumb shit like that……..I guess I still threw shade in all of this.

Oh yeah, I suppose I should tell you my test results!

I didn’t hear back for 5 days instead of 3. Well, I suppose they were busy. All the while I wasn’t worried at all. I was very Hakuna Matata! I don’t believe in living in fear. It is a waste of time. I didn’t believe I had it. The only worry I had is if I had somehow contacted it, and exposed it to my job. Even then I didn’t believe I had it. I did worry about my kidneys for like a second, but even then, it didn’t bother me….then…..well, I started having odd dreams.

People talking about their dreams is usually pointless andit means nothing, or does it? I will dig Nessie’s skull up from her grave for one last time. (Hamlet style) She has been gone for well over a year, though my sleeping brain will not allow it. I see her in almost all my dreams. I can smell her, I feel her cold nose, everything! I wake up feeling like I just saw her! Well, I started having the dreams that we were on are walks, just like we used to take all the time. Every single night she was showing me a new world filled with bright colors, worlds you really can only dream about. Then one night, she took my down to where I bowfish. Then, across the creek I see the mangy, huge looking dog, like a Hell Hound. It crossed the creek, snarling and running right at us. I quickly fired arrows and each one felt like a power pulled it far away and it shattered when it hit the rocks. The Hound was descending on us and I looked down and see Nessie staring at me with worried eyes, wanting off her leash to fight this dog. I reluctantly let her go. Nessie ran down the rocks to face this Hell Hound. As soon as they locked up…..I woke up. I haven’t dreamed of her since……my heart shattered all over again.

Oh yeah, my test was negative.

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