My creativity has stalled, and because my motivation has vanished. I wish I knew why….
Well, 2023 was a year of failure in my eyes. My new job plans failed. Keeps failing. Trying to find a new place to live was failing, but I should have a house to call my own in the near future.
I fell into depression that lasted months, I couldn’t tell if it was my lack of ambition or the stagnet life I live in. For every good day I have is followed by weeks or months of nothing. The happiest I felt was when I ate over 60 Cheeseburgers in a month, but wouldn’t that cheer anyone up? My health was better, my attitude was great, and I had more energy to it. Maybe that’s what I should do for now on? However, I will have to abandon some of my loves (chicken wings, pasta.) Which just sounds depressing.
I did find a snake in my bathroom back in early October. Just a little ball python. Not exactly sure how it got in there. It’s currently in one of my spare tanks. Luckily it wound up in the bathroom of a snake owner. I think anyone else would have killed it.
With owning my own house I should be able to get a dog soon. It’s been a little over 5 years since Nessie passed. Feels unreal.
One of my therapeutic activities is showering in the dark. I literally keep every light off and block out any light. I make a drink, turn music on and the darkness, hot water and cold drink calms me down, mellows me out.
At the end of it all I am pretty sure I am just going through a phase. My mind has been distracted with these things of late, perhaps once it’s all said and done I can move forward.
Maybe I will write a book again…maybe.
Seriously I really did find a snake in my bathroom. Nightmare fuel for many, strange luck for myself.
In The Spider's Web 