Well well well….It is whiskey Wednesday…whiskey not whisky. (Its the bourbon spelling this time, not the scotch spelling) The drink is Evan Williams with iced tea. The summer has been adequate, could be better, could be worse. My motivations for self improvement are as lacking as my sleep, which comes and goes. Some days I awake after sound sleep with the power to conquer the day! Other times I am still awake when the sun is coming up and all I can say is, “For fucks sake, really!?”
“Sleep, those little slices of death — how I loathe them.”
Poe wrote that. Maybe he never slept much? Perhaps I can take a little silver lining in the meaning. Maybe, just maybe I am living more than the average person? Not that I complain to compare and to open the door for criticism, just a thought.
My work is coming well, but slowly. When I am in a melancholic mood, I want to write dark tragic tales of people of thy generation tweaked by society we live in. The death of the Millennials will be the ignored view points of a generation, but that is going to be damn near impossible. (Luckily) Change is the only true building block in life.
However, when I am in a…mood of sorts, my creativity drops down into the pit of horrors and pulls something gruesome out of the toy chest. I play with it in my brain, toss it around and type it up. I never wanted to be known as a horror writer, but I can’t help it anymore. It is coming slowly because I am bouncing from each story. It seems to be the genre I adore, even though I am very critical of the genre as a whole. I once heard someone say, “If a person can think of these terrible things then maybe they have something wrong with them.” That’s all bullshit! I don’t recall Dahmer, Gacy or Bundy publishing horror novels or directed films of torture, rape, and cannibalism. Hell no! Gacy worked at KFC! (Finger licking good indeed!) Bundy worked for a suicide hotline! Dahmer…..I don’t recall what he did, maybe he just cooked people, but whatever! Stephen King gets into rants about politics, and cheers on the Boston Red Sox, all while eating cheesecake and probably wondering why he directed Maximum Overdrive!
So this is my situation. I am a horror writer…for the most part. I do have a taste for the depressing though. I really wish I could write happy stories but its hard for me, my brain doesn’t work that way….even though I can be a very happy person. My Fiction isn’t me, just influenced by this so called life.
When I am at my stress filled job, I stare out the windows when the rain works its way down. I see the damp darkened leaves, hear the water trickle and watch the rain slide down the glass. I wish I could be out there, which may sound depressing, but honestly it makes me fill with peace. It is calming, even the lighting and thunder.
Nessie is getting old, poor old pup! She is getting as gray as my old man! Still gets her attitude when I come around though. Rain or shine, that dog wants to go for a walk! That’s good because I am pretty sure my snakes have no care for me. One likes to hide and the other one wants to kill me….You gotta love those pets…….
I bought a new truck, mainly because my old one is finally on its last leg, which the issue I have is how vex it all is. Money…so much money….loans from the bank, and they metaphorically have their dirty, bony fingers squeezing my metaphoric balls…but hey isn’t that everybody?
I was talking to a girl, hanging out, all platonic. (Surprise! I know, right?) But that all came crashing down when she realized that I deer hunt. A large argument carried out outside the BCPA and continued into a restaurant. Well, she believes me to be a murderer and somehow was able to compare hunting deer with a bow to police killing African Americans. (WHAT!?) I gave very valid points that were ignored, but this girl worships the moon in some witchcraft ideology. (But I am the psycho right?) Either way that piece of fat is now cut off from my life.
Comic con was fun! I met Ernie Hudson! He played Winston in Ghostbusters! He gave me an autograph and was just an awesome guy! Cons are awesome except when people you wanted to see canceled last minute (James Marsters) but I always have a lot of fun and I look forward to every single one in the future.
I have been writing one of my novels on my cell phone. I have this app that lets me write and email it to myself where I can download and edit. Its fun to sit in a bar and write on my phone, analyzing and making up stories about the people around me. I can write about the sad man sitting alone on the other side, dirt on his clothes, and a small drink in his hand, looking like the world pissed on him time and time again….I could also write about that girl, following her friends in front of her, Lacking proper clothes, raining in vodka and long islands. I wonder what her life is like? Loved or self esteem lacked? It seems blurred in a gray area, but that is how bars can be. I learn a lot when drinking alone. Hemingway once said, “Don’t bother with churches, government buildings or city squares. If you want to know about a culture, spend a night in its bars.”
A Life on Mended Wings is my novel on culture at this point in life. It is my love letter to artists who are trying to make something out of themselves at this day and age. Chasing dreams or whatever makes us happy is the hardest challenge we can accomplish. I understand it, for I swim through the cesspool, trying to pull myself up high enough to breathe just a little. The book is a long way from being finished, but when its done, it will be a storm of emotion.
Fall is approaching, and how my smile grows! Deer hunting, Halloween, and fantasy football, also the beginning of a revamped Chicago Bears and Bulls. It all should be interesting…..
Personal life seems stale though, I sit in my apartment currently and I am watching the walls close in on me……I need more life, more excitement and experiences….but how?
I’LL close this with some words of wisdom…. lets use Hemingway again…
“All things truly wicked start from innocence.”