Here we are…..I am a little older, a little wiser, and covered in poison ivy. The summer struck like a well placed arrow, as I placed a few arrows into some supple fish. Since my last post I have ran off on some adventures. Written words, weddings, Blind Melon concert in Chicago, C2E2 and the hordes of Harley Quinn. (real original ladies) I had a vacation already, most of which was spent bowfishing and the rest was writing and researching most unpleasant things for a dark horror story i am working on. Melancholy bar stool stories have been told, catching up with old broken things (friends) and half my hair was chopped off.
Summer has started for sure and I am fucking excited for it!
As a child, I grew up always assuming summer break was going to be awesome! No school, no problems, hello world! Well, that all ended during my parents divorce and I saw the heated world of people and nature. Summer kind of sucked, and it was boring.
My teen years were filled with a job in the summer….at the good ole movie theater. A lot of learning and growing occurred during these blurry days. Dating, girls, true friends, fake friends, endless drama, and the fact that the processed nacho cheese goes great on popcorn! Those days are long over!
Since then, my summers have consisted of drinking and some fishing. I of course wrote and read, seeing all the summer blockbusters and becoming less and less excited about the next Marvel repeat movie. Friends ran away to their own lives and the world got smaller. By then end of last summer it was easy to say….Summer sucks!
This year I feel a certain excitement for it, one of which I have no way how to process. My heart is fluttering in ways I have not felt in a long time. My imagination is in full swing. The stories I am trying to sell to magazines are blowing up, and when I am away from that cesspool rent maker I have to go to…..there is just not enough time in the day or night!
I have ambitions, dreams, goals, and energy I felt was lost a long time ago! My attitude is poor at that job of mine…I know…but I never planned on making a life out of it….that teenage rebel side from like 10 years ago is starting to emerge for some reason….and the more people try to bring me down, or try to show me that seating people and making sure they got coffee is the most I can do in my life…well….fuck you….middle fingers to everyone and to remind myself to tell the bitch that California wasn’t Wisconsin and it sure as hell aint Illinois, so she should probably buy a map and figure out where knowledge and jurisdiction actually meet.
Spineless people who finished last in life decided to make themselves feel important, but lack anything worth while. Someone recently told me that I am not as attractive as I was when I was 19….obviously….but what the bitch doesn’t realize is that maybe I traded in, soaked up my looks for something worth more…..maybe a personality? One to make friends and have a fun filled life, not sitting around staring into a mirror with caked makeup wondering if these cold streets are worse than the world I left. No matter where you go, Love….Time is your enemy…stop bringing people down and own your shit. Her thoughts are useless and can’t draw blood anymore. To hell with the past, right?
I had an epiphany a month ago…..Everything I used to disregard are things i want know. I want love, a family, and a life full of adventures, constantly learning from my mistakes and never allowing the world or my past make me a victim…..There is a buzz in the air this summer….changes….I can feel it coming….even if it starts bad, the learning factor will make me rise through the ashes and realize those fears that I had are long gone. I won’t just be another bum from a small town. I’ll be something great! Audere est Facere!
So I guess this is a reboot…of me….my life….my thoughts….this blog….fiction….and a reboot of Scalp Collectors. Till next time!