Here we go again! Another birthday comes, and usually, I make these little notes of my last years splattered across the screen in rants, and the venom spit from thy lips! However, this year was vastly different from the previous years. So let’s go!
This summer has been a crash course! I say that since the spring, I have been learning about buying a home and the housing market, which led me down the path of becoming a Libertarian. (It’s true.) Anyway, Since November, I have been worried about where I am going to live. Is it going to be an apartment? Should I rent a house? Can I buy a home? Am I just a fucking failure? (Jury is out) I could have stayed in my tiny, cramped apartment, paying way too much for too little. I had been there 9 years, and I wanted out.
I was worried! Money numbers floated around in my brain. Now, my apartment I could still afford but what if I could get a better place with a little bit more money. Also…maybe I can finally get a dog. It has been over 5 years since Nessie passed, and I really wanted one. Most places wouldn’t take me since I have 3 snakes. So now I am in a pickle. As Christmas was fast approaching, I felt I needed some solid advice, and over the years, when I needed good, wise advice, I would go to my grandpa. Now, he isn’t my blood relative, but I never knew my biological grandpa because he died when I was a baby. So, my grandma married another man, and I always saw him as a grandparent.
I always took his advice to heart and I always enjoyed talking to him. He told me I think you should buy a house, a small old house. Then it will be your own, and you will not have to be screwed by landlords. I liked hearing that. He gave me examples and ideas about where to start, save some money, etc. It was a lot, but I took it all to heart.
Eventually, I moved into a house my cousin owned who wanted to sell it to me. A few months, a hundred phone calls, emails, texts, and a hundred empty bottles later, I closed on the house on July 1st. The freedom filled me that day! I ate a Cuban sammy and drank lots of whiskey to celebrate. Of course, I wanted to tell my grandpa all about it. I couldn’t, however. He passed away about 10 days before the close.
Gordon was a good man. Had funny stories and lots of wisdom. I loved having beers with him and our conversations. Everyone always told me he really liked our conversations. In my 20s, I would tell him all about my crazy antics with my friends, and we laughed together about them. When I was younger, he bought me a slingshot, which I still have to this day. I spent several summer days with them. He taught me how to play pool, especially a game he called Screw Your Neighbor. When my friends and I played pool, I taught them the same game, which we all enjoyed.
As I got older, I saw them less and less. I was always caught in my own shit. I probably should have come around more when he got sick, but I historically make poor decisions a lot. I live in my own world, and I regret that a lot. I have tried to apologize for my mistakes. However, it has been thrown back in my face a lot. Apparently, when you live in your own world, everyone just assumes it must be Hell because they make me feel like the devil. He never thought of me that away. That makes me feel better. I got to see him on Father’s Day. He couldn’t really speak anymore, but I’m glad I got to see him.
A couple weeks after the close…I went to feed my 3 snakes and the baby I found last October was dead in his tank. That hurt. I went to feed my corn snake, who I have had for over 10 years, and she refused the frozen rodent and acted sluggish. It was the weekend, and I couldn’t get her into the vet till that Monday. A few hours later, she died. My beautiful evil bitch was gone. Within 24 hours, 2 of my snakes died from what I am assuming were unrelated causes. My third one (Rhaegar) is perfectly fine. I felt terrible for the baby since he had a clean bill of health a couple months prior…and my corn snake (Banshee) had been with me a long time.
As I lay here typing, naked as the day I was born. (My house, I can be naked when I want) This summer was full of deaths, and my situation got better. I am getting a dog soon, and I am very excited. My parents helped me out with so much during this time, for so many things with the house. I am grateful for them, my cousin and his wife, along with Gordon for his advice. I owe the world a lot.
I turn 34, and my future is an open book. I know nothing of what awaits me. What should my goals be? Will I succeed, or will I fail? Only Time will tell. (Fuck time) I feel dreadful most days for reasons I can’t understand. Physically, mentally, especially emotionally. The deaths don’t bother me. I accept and handle death pretty well. My goals were accomplished and now everything is bleak. (When there were no more worlds to conquer)
I’m not done yet. R.I.P to the Departed
Here is to 34
In The Spider's Web 